


one step forward, ten steps back.

by introvirtued



Series: yin & yang. [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Allosexual Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Angst, Angst and Drama, Aromantic Asexual Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Biromantic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Bisexual Logic | Logan Sanders, Blood and Injury, Blood and Torture, Character Death, Crying, Demisexual Deceit | Janus Sanders, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Empathy Links, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay Thomas Sanders, Glowing Eyes, Greysexual Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Hurt Morality | Patton Sanders, Hurt Thomas Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mind Games, Morality | Patton Sanders-centric, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Logic | Logan Sanders, POV Multiple, Panromantic Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Pansexual Morality | Patton Sanders, Poly Sanders Sides, Protective Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Protective Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Protective Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Protective Deceit | Janus Sanders, Protective Logic | Logan Sanders, Protective Morality | Patton Sanders, Series, Stalking, Swearing, Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), Telepathy, The Sanders Sides need hugs, Weapons, Young Sides (Sanders Sides)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:34:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26070469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/introvirtued/pseuds/introvirtued
Summary: the sides' lives changing starts with patton injuring himself. but how does it end?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton & Thomas Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Everyone, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Everyone, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Dr. Emile Picani, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Everyone, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Everyone, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Dr. Emile Picani, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani & Everyone, Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Logan/Patton/Emile/Janus/Remy/Roman, Logic | Logan Sanders & Everyone, Logic | Logan Sanders/Dr. Emile Picani, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders & Everyone, Morality | Patton Sanders/Dr. Emile Picani, Morality | Patton Sanders/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Original Side(s) & Original Side(s) (Sanders Sides), Original Sides (Sanders Sides) & Everyone, Sleep | Remy Sanders & Everyone, The Sides & The Sides (Sanders Sides), Thomas Sanders & The Sides
Series: yin & yang. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892584
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	1. bloody white tiles.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there, Sanders Sides fans! Welcome to the whatever the heck this series I’ve created is, please enjoy your stay. If you have any suggestions for character interactions, scenes you’d like to see, etc., I'd be happy & grateful to hear them!
> 
> There will be references to past Sanders Sides' videos in this fic, so be on the lookout for them!
> 
> I actually started this fanfic when Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux came out, uh, *checks date* uhhh... on May 1st. And it's now August 23rd. ...Yeah. I've been sitting on this fic for a while now (and I only just completed chapter one a few hours ago, oops). I did the first chapter on my phone, and now I just transferred the fic to my computer.
> 
> Anyway... all grammatical mistakes are my own. The Sides curse in this fic (some more heavily than others *COUGH* Remus *COUGH*) because they're grown men, and they're not partaking in SS videos.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Sanders Sides, nor am I affiliated with Thomas. Logan vc: I'm just a fan.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> while at his desk in his room, logan hears patton let out a bloodcurdling scream.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

* * *

Patton’s loud, piercing, _bloodcurdling_ scream, and a loud, glassy crash exactly four seconds after cause Logan’s head to snap up from his glasses case, which he had just closed after neatly tucking his lens-cleaning-rag was tucked back inside. He drops the case back onto the table like it burned him and rockets up from his chair, nearly knocking it over in the process. He puts his glasses back on, only taking a second to adjust them so they fit properly on his face before quickly running out of his bedroom, his sock-clad feet slapping against the hardwood floor of his room.

A moment after rushing out of his room and closing his door, he hears Virgil’s, Roman’s, and Janus’s bedroom doors open at the same time, then close. They don’t even bother to look at each other; they’re hyper-focused on figuring out what‘s going on which elicited such an uncharacteristically terrified, loud reaction from the Moral Side of Thomas. Did one of the Dark Sides hurt him? Logan hopes not. The group quickly make their way to the source of the noise: the kitchen. Logan swears he’s able to taste Virgil’s anxiety in the back of his throat like it's a nasal drip. Visually (and metaphorically) speaking, Virgil’s usual levels of anxiety feels like a big, clawed hand wrapping around his throat, squeezing tightly and cutting off his airflow entirely. And now it’s affecting Logan by the tenfold, and he _never_ gets anxious. _Ever_. Janus nervously hisses under his breath. Logan’s fingers itch to loosen his tie suddenly, but be forces himself to resist.

Logan nearly trips on the air in his haste to move. He then scowls slightly. It’s highly unusual for him to be clumsy. He looks back at Roman as they move down the hallway. The older Creative Side’s face is pinched, eyebrows furrowed and unnaturally colored [red](http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/#FF0000) eyes filled with panic. When he’s not being affected by emotions or using his powers - meaning when his eyes aren’t glowing red - Roman’s eyes are an [espresso](http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/#612718) color. All of the Sides’ eyes glow depending on two factors: if they’re using their powers or when they’re _feeling_ things (Logan nearly makes a face when the word _feelings cross_ his mind). Unlike his twin brother (and identical twins, at that, save for the wardrobe differences: firstly, Roman’s perfect/‘aesthetically pleasing’ dyed [Milano red](http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/#B81104) hair is not the same as Remus’s dip-dyed [malachite](http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/#04B811) hair. Another is the lack of facial hair for the Prince; an obvious contrast to Remus’s mustache), Remus’s eyes are [mahogany](http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/#4E0606), but they glow [forest green](http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/#228B22) color. Virgil’s eyes are naturally [chocolate brown](http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/#370202), but they glow [jagger purple](http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/#350E57). Logan’s eyes are naturally a [ navy blue](http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/#000080) color but glow a [deep cove blue](http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/#051040) color. Patton’s eyes are naturally [powder blue](http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/#B0E0E6) but glow [cyan/aqua](http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/#00FFFF). Janus’s eyes are naturally [brown bramble](http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/#592804) but glow [saffron yellow](http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/#F4C430).

Something’s very wrong. For the Sides to be feeling Virgil’s powers this strongly and outside of his room, too... there has to be. Not that it matters right now, but the Sides have a telepathic connection that only works within the Mind Palace. Being affected by strong emotions of another Side also happens to them frequently. It can be pretty inconvenient at times. (Like right now, with Virgil unintentionally causing tidal waves of anxiety to flood through Logan’s body.) But it can also be good. When Roman becomes incredibly happy about finishing a project, it affects them all. An example that Logan particularly finds relieving is that Remus can be calm.

When the foursome goes down the stairs and round the corner, Logan’s eyes immediately land on Remy. Thomas’s insomnia is holding a large Starbucks drink in his left hand, as he always is, his other carding through Emile's hair. Thomas’s mental stability - that’s Emile - summons a small broom and dustpan a second later, although he leans into Remy’s touch like a cat would if it asked for more pets/attention. Immediately, Janus strolls over to his boyfriends, and a flicker of saffron slides across his eyes. That must be a sign of adoration, which is only reserved for his boyfriends. It doesn’t take a genius like Logan to figure that a look of love is only reserved for his boyfriends. Logan has been consensually studying Janus’ reactions based on different scenarios for three weeks now, every day, three-to-the-occasional-four times a day for various hours. Logan knows enough about his reactions to recognize that Thomas’ self-preservation is worried. And it’s not just because of Virgil’s effects on him - the Side’s emotional response is genuine. Although, as Dark Sides - well, correction: as Virgil’s former status as a Dark Side - their influences are not as strong as they would be on... for example, Logan himself, given that he is a Light Side and has always been.

The three nod at each other, and Emile walks forward to clean up the glass while Remy goes to soothe Virgil, who is breathing in a panicky way. Leaning against the counter, Janus watches Patton carefully but doesn’t move to help him. Emile was probably worried about Janus stressing Patton out with his presence, given his status as a former Dark Side. It’s fascinating to Logan how the trio always seems to be on the same wavelength, even despite their Light and Dark Side differences. Logan cannot fathom Roman and Remus being on the same metaphorical wavelength, except maybe, maybe, in battle. But Logan hasn’t ever seen them fight as a duo. Come to think of it, he hasn’t ever seen Remus engage in a battle. He’s only seen Roman fight once when he fought the Dragon Witch - they’re one of Roman’s enemies - on February 13th, 2017, to save Valarie’s honor once in Thomas’s living room after they exclaimed “fuck you Valarie”, while the Sides and Thomas were in the middle of making a Sanders Sides video.

(Given The Duke’s disposition, though, Logan is confident in his hypothesis that he fights dirty.)

Speaking of Remus...

“Oh no.” The disgusting Duke in question suddenly materializes up on top of the counter, his slightly nasally affliction casual. Far too casual - infuriatingly so. Logan detects no hints of worry, concern, or nerves in his tone nor immediate body language upon first glance. Something that surprises Logan is that Remus doesn’t have his make-up around his eyes as he had worn in _Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts_. Logan ponders it for a moment before ignoring it. There are much more pressing matters at hand. Remus’s different physical appearance is of no immediate concern to Logan. Maybe he just didn’t feel like putting on his make-up.

The Duke’s abhorrent-smelling bare feet are resting flat on the surface, grimy, unnaturally colored toes and gross, dirt-covered, chipped, yellow, vomit-inducing long toenails tap-tap-tapping on the counter as fingernails would. He’s messily munching on his Pickled Poo Logs deodorant, getting bits of the stuff everywhere. (Logan makes a mental note for later: entirely disinfect the counter, and any other things he may touch with his gross body). He’s resting his cocked head on his free hand, elbow resting on the counter to keep himself propped up. He swallows his disgusting snack in a loud, audible way before lapping at the stuff much like a dog would with water in its bowl on a hot day. Emile looks over at Remus when he belches. His expression pinches slightly. He turns to Roman as if to ask: _Can you believe this guy?_ Roman nods in agreement, scoffing lightly.

(Logan swears he can taste the foul-smelling-slash-undoubtedly-disgusting-tasting deodorant in his teeth - and that is _not_ a pleasant experience.)

The Dark Creativity Sides’ shoulders are lax, his body language as calm as can be. Like Patton hadn’t just screamed bloody murder at nine at night.

Now that the Duke’s sloppy, open-mouthed chewing is no longer happening, the gentle scrape scrape scrape of glass shards sliding across the tiles is the only sound in the room for a moment until Roman speaks up, facing Remus.

“What did you do, bro?” He asks in an accusatory tone, crossing his arms over his chest.

Remus scoffs, however he doesn’t look at his brother. “How dare you presume I did something to our _dear_ ,” his lilt slips into a sarcastic one at the word ‘dear’, and Logan quickly adjusts his tie so he does not impulsively and immaturely react to Remus calling him ‘dear’. He grits his teeth as he mentally prepares for whatever bullshit is about to spew from Remus’ unpleasant, deodorant-caked lips, “sweet, lovable Patton.” Remus glances over at Logan and winks. Logan’s expression darkens. He counts to ten in his head in both English and Greek. Then he exhales slowly.

The twins immediately launch into a bickering war, with Remus still keeping his eyes on Patton. He’s ever the observer, even if he rarely acts like it. Always using the emotions and actions of the Sides to his advantage. Roman makes a flurry of exaggerated hand-movements and occasionally lets loose creative curses. Luckily for him, though, Thomas isn’t here to put a lid on it. Janus shifts his weight, exchanging an exasperated glance with Remy; the latter catches his partner’s eye, smacks his lips together, then goes back to staring at Patton over the rims of his sunglasses, green Starbucks straw in mouth.

“Children, both of them,” Remy comments around the straw, referring to the twins.

Despite his current expression being a scowl, Virgil hums in agreement. He then shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket. Virgil doesn’t believe that Remus had nothing to do with Patton’s current predicament, even as Janus quietly tells him that Remus is telling the truth. Virgil’s glowing purple eyes meet Patton’s form. He is still on the ground. Thomas’s Anxiety grunts softly at the sight of Patton’s blood, and Logan instinctively looks back at his friend. He looks queasy. The hood of his jacket flips up over his head a moment later as he groans. His eyes are glowing a deeper shade of purple now. Yep. He’s uncomfortable.

Logan ignores the twins’ bickering (which melts into background noise) in favor of approaching the kitchen at a better angle to see what’s happening. Emile is sweeping up the last bits of the glass. As for Patton... he’s pressed up against the fridge, curled in on himself, cradling his arm as close to his chest as he possibly can. His glasses are broken into two pieces, laying on the floor, the frames cracked and useless, not that that matters; one of the Sides can fix them right up, and it’ll be like nothing ever happened to them. There are jagged shards of broken-cup-glass everywhere. He’s staring at his bloody right hand in bewilderment, his palm pointed up towards his face. There’s blood leaking down from his wrist to his hand, dripping onto the floor from his fingers. There are tears in his eyes. His face is twisted in a hard mask of shock and pain. More-so the shock, Logan notes. Asides from the loud, piercing, bloodcurdling scream he had previously made, he doesn’t make a sound. It makes sense to Logan why he would scream that way even because of this small injury because Patton’s always had an extremely low threshold for pain. Aware of the blood, Logan carefully dances around it and glass. He doesn’t want to get his socks cut up on the glass nor step in Patton’s blood.

He moves towards Patton, who doesn’t move, even as Logan bends down next to him. A tear slides down Patton’s face, and Logan chews the inside of his cheek and forces back the tears. _Logic and Emotion, Logos and Pathos, Logan and Patton._ Logan thinks. Their functions are deeply entwined with one another, so _they_ are entwined with each other, in the metaphorical sense.

Much like Roman and Remus, Logan cannot exist without Patton, Patton can’t without him. Sometimes, he swears that Patton knows him better than he, well, knows himself.

It’s still surprising to Logan that himself, Patton, and Roman (the Light Sides) are the same age, along with the other Sides (the Dark Sides). They were all “born” at the exact second Thomas was. No one Side is older than the other, nor is their Originator - that’s Thomas - older or younger than the Sides. The only reason Roman is called the “older” twin is that he holds more power than Remus, and Roman “emerged” to Thomas before Remus did. Hence, the title of “older twin” went to Roman, much to Remus’s disdain. However, Logan is confident that the “oldest” Side is Patton. The one with the most influence over Thomas. He’s Thomas’s heart, his morality, so it makes sense to Logan.

“Oh fuck _you_ , Roman,” Remus says irritably, spitting flakes of deodorant everywhere, “I would never physically harm sweet Patton. Not to mention,” Logan can feel Remus’ beady eyes swing over to him like a bad rash spearing through the air and hitting his face, “Logan would have my freshly bloody, decapitated head on the end of a very sharp pike if I even thought about laying a hand on him. My guts and blood and skin and bones would be scattered everywhere around the pike!” He says cheerily.

Logan blinks at the mental image his brain unhelpfully supplies, and he hears Roman groan in discomfort (Roman can vividly see verbal imagery in his head, which has its downsides... like right now). Logan scowls slightly, wondering where the hell Remus got that idea from. He highly doubts he’d go to such drastic measures against Remus if The Duke “even thought” about hurting Patton. Given his nature, though, it is completely _unsurprising_ to Logan that the thought of hurting Patton may have crossed Remus’s mind at least once. He is Thomas’s intrusive thoughts; his Dark Creativity. Looking past the barbaric nature of the way Logan would _theoretically_ murder him, even though knowing that killing Remus - or any Side, really - it should be known that doing something like that would have massive negative repercussions on Thomas. One Side killing another… it makes Logan’s stomach metaphorically twist. The Duke may be a massive fucking nuisance, but Logan’s not a murderer.

Roman scoffs disbelievingly. “Oh sure, as I would ever believe you wouldn’t hurt him, you royal rat-faced reject!” He fires back, and Logan bites his tongue to stop himself from saying that they all have the same face, “And do you even begin to understand how rich that is coming from an evil-!”

“Guys!” Virgil sharply interrupts their bickering. “That’s enough!” His voice warps, the words echoing through the room. That gets the twins’ attention. His pupils flicker jagger before going back to their normally white color. “We have an intense situation to deal with right now with Patton being injured,” he says pointedly, “and neither of you is helping the situation by arguing. So fucking _stop it_.” Their heads snap over to Virgil, then to Patton. Something akin to a nonverbal apology slips across Roman’s features. Remus snorts, swiping his pointer and middle fingers across the top of his deodorant. He rolls it up into a small ball and sets the ball on his thumb before flicking it at Virgil with his middle finger, which he then sticks his middle finger at Virgil. Virgil makes a grossed-out noise and side-steps the projectile so it doesn’t hit him. It vanishes before it hits the ground.

“Language, Virgil.” Emile softly reprimands, then tells Remus to stop acting childish. Remus calls Emile a "fun ruiner" and Virgil puffs out a breath, crossing his arms over his chest. However, he doesn’t snap at him or make a snide comment like he would have done if it was Roman, or any other side except for, well, probably Patton. Logan has sensed that Virgil’s had a soft spot for Emile Picani for as long as they’ve known each other. Even when Virgil was a Dark Side, he was always a little less mean to Emile whenever they rarely interacted, compared to Logan himself or even Patton himself as separate, well, beings... er, Sides. Even with their limited interactions from what Roman once referred to as the _Before Time_ (the period of their lives when Virgil was a Dark Side; the name the _Before Time_ stuck. Similarly, _After Time_ is the current period of time wherein Thomas accepted Virgil as a valued and included part of himself in _Accepting Anxiety Part 2_ ), Logan had been studying his fellow Sides’ interactions with one another. Watching all of the Dark Sides interacting with the Light Sides. It was for both research purposes and to make sure the Dark Sides didn’t try anything, but if you asked Logan why he would watch these interactions, he would’ve always replied with the former. While it was rare for that to happen (as one of Logan’s vocab cards mentions, they “kept to their own lanes”), the only exceptions were the Creative Twins, and they hated each other’s guts; they still do. 

Despite this, though, they cannot exist without the other. Quite literally, Light (Roman) cannot exist without Dark (Remus). They were one single Side, a male Side who was present before the split took place. Logan and Patton had known him well (back then, he was known as The King Creativity; neither Logan nor Patton had asked for his name)... now, they’re just... Roman and Remus.

The split of Light and Dark is why Roman is unable to kill Remus and visa versa. Why Remus could only momentarily put Roman “out of commission” when he made himself known to Thomas for the first time, at least until Roman regained his senses. Their powers are always equal to the other’s unless one twin is knocked out, or is otherwise unavailable (which is rare). This causes the other twins’ powers to amplify greatly, to the point where his influence is incredibly overwhelming to Thomas. That’s also another major factor of why The Duke felt like such a threat to Thomas when they first met, why Logan explicitly stated: “in part, at least”. It’s like Roman wasn’t even a Side - only The Duke was. That means Thomas was unable to sense Roman’s presence at all. Much like Virgil had done when he left before _Accepting Anxiety_.

Remus’s status as a Dark Side is why he was able to make Thomas believe that Remus had “killed” him (Logan) upon throwing the shuriken at his head, at least for a few seconds until Logan destroyed the illusion. But luckily, the (figurative) perfectly balanced scales of the twins’ power fixed itself once Roman reawoke, thereby lessening Remus’ powers and influence over Thomas, and bolstered his mental health back to where it had been before considerably. And, once Patton and Virgil realized that The Duke wasn’t as scary as they perceived him to be, and Logan had explained that Remus’ intrusive powers also stem from Thomas’s religious upbringing, The Duke stopped seeming like such a threat to Thomas.

Logan has asked both twins on multiple occasions (both separately and when they could stand to be in the same room) if they would ever be able to achieve their original form. However, each time, the twins have told him that it is entirely impossible to do. While Logan is inclined to believe Roman’s words over Remus’s for obvious reasons, he secretly wonders what would happen if the twins were in a life-or-death situation. Not that he’d ever put them in harm's way for the sake of satiating his never-ending curiosity, but... still. The thought had been a recurring one for a couple of days.

“Patton?” Logan asks quietly, carefully inspecting his friend’s hand, but he doesn’t touch him - not without Patton’s permission. Upon a quick, immediate inspection, the wound doesn’t look deep enough for it to need stitches, thankfully, but the amount of blood worries him. Patton has always bled an alarming amount whenever he got injured. Even when they were children, Patton would come to him with a scraped knee, crying, and it would take a couple more steps than just slapping a bandaid on the wound to stop the bleeding. It would also take more time for the wound to heal than what would be considered normal. (After doing some research a few days later, Logan figured out that Patton has hemophilia: a medical condition in which the ability of the blood to clot is severely reduced, causing the sufferer to bleed severely from even a slight injury.

The condition is typically caused by a hereditary lack of a coagulation factor, most often factor VIII. However, Thomas doesn’t have a lack of the coagulation factor, and he - along with the other Sides - don’t ever bleed as much as Patton. Not even Roman. Only Patton bleeds an alarming amount from minor injures. That fact baffles Logan to no end. If Patton were to get seriously injured to the point where he would lose consciousness... Logan dreads thinking of the outcome.)

Patton continues to stare at his bloody, trembling hand with a blank expression, and tears are dripping down his cheeks. Blood slips down from his wrist to his hand, which then pools on the floor. The blank expression on the Moral Side’s face greatly bothers Logan, but that isn’t his main concern right now. Right now, it’s Patton’s injury. Speaking of his injury, its bleeding heavier and heavier with every passing second. Logan grabs a clean towel. After he quickly wraps it around the wound, absentmindedly noting how the blood soaks into the cloth, he ties it securely around Patton’s wrist. Patton blinks slowly.

“Morality?” Logan tries to capture his attention once more using his Core Function Name (his CFN, as Logan had abbreviated it), reminding himself to keep his tone gentle. Patton’s in an unknown degree of shock, so startling him by yelling wouldn’t help the situation. Usually, using Patton’s CFN would snap him out of his daze (as it does with all of the Sides) but he still doesn’t look over at him. Not this time. Logan makes a mental note of it. 

“Patton,” Logan says again, firmer this time, “look at me.” Still no response. A little louder, he says: “Patton, it’s Logan. Logic.” A subtle twitch of Patton’s eyebrows alerts Logan that his CFN registered in Patton’s shock-addled brain. That’s a step in the right direction. “I need you to look at me, Patton.” He says in as much of a soothing tone as he‘s able to muster. It doesn’t work this time. He tries using his CFN again. There’s nothing. Logan takes a deep breath. “Can you do that for me?” Finally, after what feels like hours but was only seconds, the Moral Side startles, looking over at him. His sky blue eyes meet Logan’s navy blue ones. It’s like someone just flipped a switch on inside of Patton’s brain because he smiles too wide, the edges of his lips curled up a bit too sharply. It’s shaky. Patton’s instantaneous perkiness worries Logan further.

“Oh!” He breathes, “Sorry, Lo... I-I’m a scatterbrain, I-I guess... Uh, I...” he trails off, then visibly winces when Remy asks him what happened, “I-I just tripped a-and broke my glass... clumsy me...” although he frowns like he doesn’t believe it himself. Behind Logan, Janus groans softly in discomfort and quietly hisses to Remy about his chest hurting - a telltale sign that Patton’s lying. Besides, that wouldn’t explain how he sliced his wrist and alternatively not slicing his hand on the glass. Janus can tell whenever the Sides are lying physically - his chest feels like its being forced open to expose his heart (he likened it to being sawed open violently like a Thanksgiving turkey) and like there’s a “big, clawed hand” shoved into his chest, gripping his heart tightly, nails embedded deeply within the vital organ, twisting and turning it around violently.

Suffice to say, it seems to be an agonizing experience.

Patton bites his lower lip, quickly making eye contact with all of the Sides before looking down at the floor like its the most interesting thing in the world. “Emile... I’m sorry y-you had to clean up my mess...” he murmurs. Emile smiles at Patton - Logan swears to a higher power he’s unsure he believes in that he sees Patton in that smile - and gently instructs him to be more careful in the future. Now, Logan hears himself in the other’s words. Neither of these things comes as a surprise to him. Emile's a perfect blend of Patton and Logan. He’s a Light Side through-and-through. Likewise, Remy is a perfect blend of Virgil and Roman. Joan had described him as “snarky” - that’s Virgil’s influence - and they even said his “extraness” comes from Roman. In all honesty, Logan is unsure of how to categorize Remy’s affiliation as either Light or Dark. He works against Thomas because he’s his insomnia, and he’s occasionally crass and blunt (Logan secretly appreciates Remy’s bluntness), among a slew of other things. But he also has Roman’s influences. Or maybe he’s both a Light Side and a Dark Side; he is a literal Hybrid of Virgil and Roman. So maybe that does technically constitute Remy as being a Hybrid - an anomaly. Same with Emile.

Emile's eyes are heterochromia; one of his eyes is Logan’s blue, and the other is Patton’s blue. It’s the same for his eyes when they glow - two different eye colors, courtesy of Logan and Patton being his “inspirations” - a Hybrid Side of Logan and Patton. His hair color more closely resembles Logan’s darker brown color than Patton’s lighter brown. However, in the summer months, it’s reversed; Emile's hair turns a few shades lighter so that his hair, during the summertime, resembles Patton’s hair. Remy half-dyed his hair a dark purple. He kept the other side (his right side) his natural dark brown. His hair _doesn’t_ change during the different seasons. Remy’s eye-color situation is similar to Emile's, but with Virgil and Roman’s eye colors instead of himself and Patton’s.

Despite being accepted as Sides by Thomas and by the other Sides, they’re still Hybrids; two Sides that weren't exactly meant to exist as another one of Thomas’s Sides, but do now.

Speaking of Remy, he had moved from the kitchen to the couch, sipping his drink quietly and typing away on his phone with the other. Janus looks at Logan. He can sense that he wants to speak to him privately, but only after Patton is fixed up. Logan nods at him to let him know that he understands. They’ll speak later. Patton comes first.

(Logan notes that Patton can’t stop staring at the bloody white tiles. A result of shock, perhaps.)

As for Janus... well, he was an outsider until Emile accepted him; Emile was the first to accept Janus as a Side of Thomas, followed by Remy. Not even Patton was as quick to accept Janus as Emile had been. On the other end of the spectrum, it took a lot longer (see: months) for Remy to accept Janus, possibly because of Roman’s influence and said Light creative’s Side’s view of the Dark Sides - an oxymoron considering Virgil’s status as a former Dark Side. But when Remy accepted Janus, the trio formed an unusual friendship. In time, this friendship blossomed into a romantic relationship. When they announced that they were dating, it was a little unexpected to Logan for a multitude of reasons, but he eventually got used to it. In true Patton-fashion, Patton couldn’t have been happier for the trio. (Although, Logan can’t exactly say the same for Roman or Virgil, who looked rather annoyed to be in the same room as the other when it was announced.)

As for how their romantic dynamic affects Thomas... admittedly, Logan has to do some more observation. With the consent of the throuple, of course.

They‘ve been romantically involved for nearly three months now. (It’s not that Logan’s being creepy and counting the days, but... well, as Thomas’s logical Side, dates come naturally to him and when he wants to recall a memory, Logan can recall every one of Thomas’s memories immediately and in perfect detail.) And, from what Logan has observed, they’re protective of each other. They’re highly infatuated with each other, even if they don’t exactly... match. In more ways than one. But Patton’s always said that love doesn’t have to make sense, it just... simply is. “Love is what it is,” he’s consistently said through the years. “You can’t fight what your heart wants.” Logan had found irony in that statement every single time Patton said it, because of what Patton represents to Thomas, but didn’t comment.

From a professional, psychological standpoint, Logan sees the very concept of love as a sign of weakness. It affects your brain and heart, which then butterfly affects every other aspect of your being. Love is purely a chemical reaction in the brain and heart that messes with your entire being; your soul, your brain, your body (in the context of physically reacting when your crush is around; sweaty palms and increased heart-rate for example). Here’s something that surprises no-one: Logan has always firmly believed that knowledge should be on top of the metaphorical list of ranked importance. If not the first slot, then the second; only rivaled by physical health. But not in the silly way Roman had once proposed, where Thomas would “get yoked” (Logan still has no idea what that means), he means a healthy medium. Thomas doesn’t have to be a bodybuilder with insane muscles, but to put it bluntly: Logan knows that he doesn’t want Thomas to become a blob, either. Like nearly all things in life, there has to be a healthy middle ground.

“Patton,” Logan says lightly, keeping his tone gentle as a father would to his injured son, “we need to go to the infirmary, okay?” The room’s location is a little bit deeper within the mind palace, but it’s quiet there. Calm. Logan will be able to wholly focus on fixing up Patton’s wound there. No one ever uses the infirmary anymore except for Roman. When he’s banged up from his self-created adventures, he’s there, patching himself up. Logan knows he never stays for too long; he was the one who created a high-tech automated log of when the Sides enter and leave the infirmary - how long they stay for is never long: a few hours at most, a handful of days at the least. The log also auto-categorizes their injuries with the color system: green (aka Level One: non-severe/minor injuries), yellow (aka Level Two: mild injuries), and red (aka Level Three: serious injuries. Those require Logan’s immediate attention). Given that Patton’s wound is a simple cut, it couldn’t even be categorized as a Level One. It’d be a Level Zero. But with the amount he bleeds, it’s bumped up to a Level Two. If the cut were bigger - and say, over his chest - it would still be classified as a Level Three injury. Why not a Level Four? Because a Level Four injury doesn’t exist.

That would be death.

Although, while in the infirmary, the healing process for wounds is cut by a substantial amount. But three massive factors of how long their stay inside of the infirmary is are... well, pretty simple. The severity of the wound, where it is on the body, and how many wounds the Side has on his body at that specific time. Minor injuries heal very rapidly, while severer wounds take the slowest amount of time to heal entirely. Anyway, it should be easy for Logan to wrap up Patton’s hand, and it’ll be nothing more than a memory in two hours at the least.

“Not to mention,” Logan adds after a slight pause, shaking himself out of his thoughts that he often gets lost in, “if we dwell here any further, your injury may affect Thomas’s physical wellbeing, which is never ideal.” Sure, it may be just a cut, however, Thomas can feel the effects of the Side’s injury unless they delay it, which only works for a short time before the proverbial floodgates open, causing Thomas to feel the wound. The Sides may disagree on certain things, but causing bodily harm to Thomas is never a desired/great outcome. (Well, except Remus, maybe.) “So, to prevent that unfortunate outcome from coming to pass, I believe that it is best we make haste to the infirmary. Are you able to stand, or do you require assistance?”

Patton goes mute. Logan waits a couple of seconds. When he doesn’t even blink, Logan gently wraps his hand around Patton’s uninjured wrist. He slowly rises to his feet. Patton limply moves up at the same time Logan does, but kind of in that awkward wet noodle way. He’s continuing to stare at the bloody tiles. Logan stands up with him, waving his hand so the already-blood-soaked towel vanishes. Patton gasps softly in pain and looks ill at the amount of blood that stains his hand. The bloody towel is immediately replaced by a different, fresh, clean towel that securely wraps itself around Patton’s wrist. Janus quickly makes sure that the towel is tight enough, double-knotting it around Patton’s wrist. Logan nods at Janus as a way to say thanks, and the pair quickly make their way to the infirmary room. They don’t speak, although it’s incredibly clear to Logan that Patton wants to say something to him.

Logan leads Patton to the room by his uninjured wrist, and he grips the cool metal door-handle. He’s just about to open it when Patton sighs. “Lo...” Logan glances over at him, pushing the door open at the same time. He guides Patton over to the small hospital cot and sits him down. He sees Patton’s Adam apple bob as he swallows. “Logic... Logan, I...” Logan looks over at him with confusion clear in his eyes - being called his CFN makes him wonder just how important whatever Patton wants to say to him is - before moving towards the medicine cubby. He bends down, pulling it open. To Logan’s surprise, the hinges of it - a room characteristic that appeared after Janus had snuck in a couple of months ago, which Logan had ignored - no longer squeak upon opening, nor does the door groan. Logan made the door groan in case he was nearby and the log glitched, therefore it wouldn't have alerted him of the Side going into or out of the room. Roman must’ve fixed it when he was here two weeks ago. Maybe he finally got fed up with it?

“Patton, don’t worry,” Logan says calmly. “You won’t need stitches. The wound isn’t that deep or serious - it’s just how easily you bleed that the wound appears... well, much more serious than it is.” Logan runs his hand through his hair, then makes a mental checklist: firstly, he needs to stop the bleeding (which is already in progress just by being in the room with the door closed, but it won’t hurt to help the process along), then clean the wound, then disinfect, then bandage it.

“It’s not a-about that, Logan.” Patton dismisses instantly. A frown tugs at Logan’s face. He doesn’t have a clue what’s going through Patton’s head right now, and he wishes he did. That might make this whole process easier. Logan still has no idea what happened in the kitchen, and he doubts Patton will say anything to him - at least right now. Logan won’t push it - for now. 

Logan grabs what he needs and walks over to Patton, placing the medical equipment onto the small bedside table that’s next to the gurney. As Logan slides on a pair of medical gloves, he glances at the trio selfie of himself, Roman and Patton, when Thomas (and himself, Roman and Patton, as well) was physically twenty-three-years-sixty-one-days-and-five-seconds old, is neatly framed. In Patton’s (formerly) slightly child-like handwriting is the word “famILY” in light blue, big, bold bubble letters. Patton had to drag Logan out of his room - Logan was forced to be dragged away from a very important chemical engineering paper he was working on! - to get into the picture. Roman was the one to take the picture. He’s slightly blurry in the photo because he decided to kiss Patton’s cheek while taking the picture. The picture was in the infirmary to boost Roman’s spirits when he finds himself here, but now Logan suspects it's doing the same for Patton.

“Then what is it about?”

“Um, I...” he bites his lip and groans quietly in anticipation for the wound-cleaning, “...actually, I-I-I... I think it would best i-if we had a meeting. With everyone. It-It’s important that we’re all present...”

Logan tilts his head, peering at the Moral Side, who squirms uncomfortably under his gaze. “Right after I tend to your injury?” When Patton responds with: ‘in an hour’, Logan continues. “Oh, okay. Should I tell Thomas that-“ however, a rapid shake of Patton’s head cuts him off. Logan stares into his eyes intensely.

“No!” He shouts frantically. Logan is slightly taken aback by the panic in his voice. He outwardly expresses this by raising an eyebrow. Patton exhales shakily, his non-bloody hand tugging absentmindedly at his cat onesie. Miraculously, there isn’t any blood on the garment Logan gifted him nor his blue shirt. “N-no Thomas. Just the Sides.” As an afterthought, or maybe just as a subtle reminder that he exists, he adds: “I-including Remus.”

A metaphorical pit forms in Logan’s stomach. It spreads in a spider-web like-way through his bloodstream, curls around his veins. He ignores it. In a visual example, it is like Logan tears the pit from his body and crushes it underneath the heel of his shoe. His rare emotional reactions aren’t important. They never are. Despite this, though, Logan nods. If Patton says that it’s important, then it‘s important. It also helps his case that he’s being uncharacteristically serious. Patton hadn’t made a single Dad joke or any kind of pun since his injury or has acted in his usual sunshiny, zany, goofy way. And if _Remus_ needs to present... Logan wonders if Remus is even capable of being serious for more than ten seconds.

So what could make Thomas’s Heart, the very complex core of all emotions, act like this?

Logan closes his eyes, about to telepathically call the Sides and let them know of the unfolding situation, but he startles slightly and loses his thought process when he feels a warm hand cup his cheek. Logan cracks an eye open out of surprise. Patton’s warm fingers gently trace his cheek, and Logan swallows hard, navy blue eyes transfixed on the Moral Side’s gentle face. Patton smiles slightly, leaning forward to press his forehead against Logan’s. He doesn’t appear to be as anxious as he had been before. That’s good. Logan remains still, unblinking as his lips tug into a small, warm smile. A voice in the back of Logan’s head reminds him that this is how Patton shows his love for him specifically - through small physical touches. For Virgil its a kind gesture. For Roman, it's soothing him whenever he’s distressed. When Roman’s not distressed, though, Patton shows his love through the little things - making him tea, putting on his favorite Disney movie or musical track, tucking his covers in, and turning off the light in Roman’s bedroom.

Weirdly enough, Logan finds he misses the warmth and comfort of Patton’s hand on his cheek, but doesn’t dare say it aloud. He can’t afford to have these feelings (Logan physically gags a small amount as the word _feelings_ cross through his head), so he quickly metaphorically shoves the sensation away from his head.

Patton hums softly as he gazes deeply into Logan’s eyes. “Hey... Logan, I...”

“Yes?”

“...Um, thanks.” It sounded like he wanted to say something else. “For always looking out for me.” His voice is soft and kind, and Logan swears he‘s able to feel the emotions that are coming off of Patton in waves, which is a sensation he‘s used to given the Sides’ metaphysical empathic-emotional connections, but it still makes him slightly uncomfortable. “Even when we were little, you were always there for me.“

“Of course,” Logan replies as he snaps his fingers. A washcloth appears in his hand a moment later, along with fresh, distilled water in a bowl, which lands gently next to Patton on the nightstand. “The Light Sides have to look out for each other, right?” Patton nods then bites his lip. After a moment, he adds: “I’m confident in my hypothesis that Roman - oh, and Virgil, Remy and Janus too, now, I guess, because all three of them are considered Light Sides in Thomas’s eyes - would agree.“ With that, he begins to tend to Patton’s injury.

Logan carefully pulls the makeshift bandage away from Patton’s wrist, apologizing softly when Patton flinches. Now that he’s able to inspect the wound carefully, he frowns. The wound doesn’t look like an injury that would be caused by a glass slice. He mentally flips through the pages of his copious medical books, and his breath hitches as a description pops up in his head. A metaphorical alarm bell goes off in his head.

It looks similar to a _knife_ wound.

A hundred questions crowd Logan’s brain instantly as he stares hard at the wound. Was it a self-inflicted injury? Was Patton just clumsy with a knife he was putting away? Why wasn’t there a bloodstained knife on the ground? Why was the blood pattern on the tiles more consistent with a glass injury rather than a knife slash? Is that why Janus’ “built-in lie detector trait” (as Roman once called it), for lack of a better word, “sounded off”? Why would Patton lie about this? Is _that_ why Patton is avoiding his eyes right now?

Thoroughly off-put by the growing questions that have ever-growing concerns, he decides to simply focus on fixing the wound. He’ll have time to ponder later, even if this wound has suddenly become much more serious than just a simple shattered glass. As Logan methodically disinfects the wound, he notes that a quick flicker of... something flashes across Patton’s face, and it’s not pain. Proverbially, of course. Before Logan can even begin to analyze whatever emotion or thought that ran through Patton’s head might be, the next second he blinks, and that something is gone from his expression as quickly as it came. “Lo, uh, t-that’s not exactly what I...” he trails off. Logan patiently waits for him to continue. Patton’s eyes move to the ground as he mumbles something under his breath. Logan can’t interpret it. He’s curious about that and his sudden change in demeanor, but that can wait, too.

The room goes quiet as Logan continues to tend to Patton’s injured wrist. Neither of them speaks until the wound is properly dressed. It’s peaceful, in a way. Patton seems to have calmed down a lot, which makes Logan relieved.

Logan double-checks the security of the medical-grade gauze on Patton’s wrist (he doesn’t want it to be too loose or too tight), and the positioning of the tape used to hold the gauze together, then carefully places the tape back into the kit, closing the lid, now that everything is back in its box. He clears his throat lightly. “Patton?”

Patton, who had been quietly humming to himself while staring up at the ceiling, looks at him. “What up?”

Logan decides to ignore the improper grammar. “Would you like me to leave so you could get some rest?” Grilling Patton about his knife injury in this very second probably wouldn’t be a smart move. He can do that later after he alerts the Sides of this unforeseen development and thinks it over himself. He leans back in his chair then begins to pull off his gloves, which had only gotten a bit bloody, which he then discards in the trashcan next to the cabinets.

Patton opens his mouth to answer, but the door carefully opening cuts him off. He jumps and makes a weird squeaking noise, and Logan blinks once as he looks over at the door expectantly. Janus pokes his head into the room but doesn’t push the door further to enter. His one snake-eye seems to glint in the light. It’s glowing saffron. “Hey, Patton and Logan. Can I come in?”

While Logan merely nods, Patton answers in his usual enthusiastic tone: “Yeah, Janus! Just finished fixing up the ole wrist.” He shows him his bandaged wrist for emphasis. “C’mon in!”

Janus slips inside, kicking the door shut with his foot. He’s holding Patton’s glasses in his hands, which are now fixed. Patton’s entire face lights up.

“Oh, yay!” Patton exclaims.

The corner of Janus’ lip twitches up into a small yet crooked smile. “I fixed these after you two left, but I wanted to wait until your wrist was fixed up by-“ his eyes swing over to Logan, “Doctor Logan here.” Logan rolls his eyes at the nickname. “Turns out, I had the perfect timing.” He strolls over to Patton and hands him his glasses. As Patton mumbles about finally being able to see three feet in front of his face again, Janus looks at Logan. Logan stares back impassively.

“Logan,” says Janus after a couple of seconds, “you’re sure that you’re all set here?” Janus’s eyes slip over to Patton, who looks back between them curiously.

Logan nods once, placing his hands on his thighs. “Yes. We are finished here. Patton’s wound has been taken care of.” He looks at Patton, who is scowling now, concern and confusion momentarily flashing across his blue eyes. Logan senses those feelings through the empathy link and squashes them down immediately.

“Good, good. That’s good news.” Janus replies in an eerily calm tone. Logan exhales deeply, fingers instinctively reaching up to adjust his tie. He knows something else is coming because of the look Janus gave him while he was escorting Patton to the infirmary, that it was inevitable; Logan’s already dreading this talk with Janus, and they haven’t even left the room yet. “Because the two of us need to talk. _Alone_.”

( _And there it is_.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first published: 08/23/20.
> 
> last updated: 08/23/20.


	2. achilles heels.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> janus doesn't look over at him. "& that, logan, is one of the cruxes of the matter; _one_ of your achilles heels. do you know what i'm referring to? or which one i'm talking about?"
> 
> "...enlighten me." that means _no_. "what's one of them?"
> 
> "it's the emotions you claim you don't have." logan looks like he wants to protest vehemently, but janus continues before he can get a word in: "they're going to fester up inside of you like a rot, one that staying in the infirmary for a longer duration of time _can't_ heal. they're going to _break_ you someday. & when that time comes, & i guarantee you it will, i'll be right there next to you, telling you "i told you so.""

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: some (light) mildly suggestive talk and (light) suggestive actions, but there’s no actual sex. Remy and Janus just _love_ making Emile Flustered™️. There is also some violent content in this chapter and fighting. aka: Janus _flips his shit_. You’ll see what I mean.
> 
> ~~Janus thinks A Lot about Logicality because he thinks their dynamic is super interesting, so get ready for Janus’s thoughts on them.~~

* * *

**Janus's POV**

* * *

If there are two things Janus is _entirely_ confident he knows about Logan, it's these:

He cares more about Patton than he does himself, even if he claims to others (and himself) that he doesn’t. He literally can’t lie to Janus, so verbal denial of that fact will get him nowhere. The second one is that his denial of feeling emotions - and yes, that includes admitting that he has them out loud - will break him someday. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be next week, but it’ll happen eventually. Call him whatever you want - a lair, an asshole, a manipulator - but Janus is a stickler for _eventualities_. Logan lying to himself about not having emotions won’t work, either, because Janus can sense that self-lie, too. But Logan isn’t a psychopath, and he’s not like Remus either (a borderline sociopath, or maybe that’s just his shtick - Janus has honestly never been sure about that) - he _has_ emotions, but they _have_ to be heavily repressed. That was made clear when Thomas got that Crofters sponsorship and made even _more_ glaringly obvious when Logan found out about _Logan’s Berries_ fruit spread. It was also made apparent when Logan crumpled up his notecard and threw it at Roman’s eye in _Learning New Things About Ourselves_.

But going back to the whole ‘Logan cares about Patton’ thing... The Others... if they haven’t already, they’ll eventually catch on, and when they do, there will be hell to pay.

A soft gasp of pain spilling past Patton’s lips jolts him out of his thoughts, and Janus blinks as reality comes back to him. He watches Logan and Patton walk out of the kitchen and towards the infirmary - one of the many rooms within the Mind Palace asides from their bedrooms. Poor Patton is in shock. Roman and Virgil exchange worried glances with one another before teleporting, presumably to go discuss what just happened to Patton in private. Remus teleports away, probably to go antagonize the pair or to go back to the Dark Side. Unlike with Janus, Thomas hasn’t really... allowed himself to even think about making him a Light - which is fine by Remus (and potentially Roman). Janus doubts Thomas will _ever_ give Remus Light Side privileges or think of him as one of the Lights. But... not every Side has to become a Light Side. Some Sides should stay Dark - The Others _should stay Dark_.

Remy suddenly vanishes, but a split second later he pops up, still on the couch. Now he’s sitting abnormally on the furniture, with his feet on the cushions and he’s sitting on the back of the couch. He’s still texting away on his phone, and his drink is almost empty. There are a lot of empty caffeine-related cups and mugs in their room. So many that it would probably supply a Starbucks for a year and some change. Janus has never been inside of Logan’s room, or Roman’s room for that matter, but he’s pretty sure their rooms look similar, with coffee cups strewn about. He's only been in Patton's room - once, after _Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux_. It was to apologize for impersonating him during _Can Lying Be Good?_ , and preventing him from showing up until he revealed himself. That was a pretty nasty move. Janus could feel Patton's emotions the entire time - and he was outraged, disappointed, and so worried it would have rivaled Virgil's powers.

Janus waves his hand and Patton’s blood vanishes. The floor is spotless. It’s like the injury never happened in the first place. Janus walks over to Emile, who turns on the sink faucet with a flick of his finger to wash his hands. He wraps his arms around his boyfriend's hips, resting his chin on his shoulder as he gently presses up against him. Janus smiles a bit when he sees Emile's cheeks flush pink. "Hi, baby." He murmurs.

Emile squeaks slightly at the pet name. "Hi, J-Janus." Janus feels his heart melt in his chest even as he feels a wave of embarrassment through their Empathy Link, causing his cheeks to warm. God, he loves Emile and Remy so much. His, Remy, and Emile's Empathy Bond is the strongest link out of all of the Sides. The strengthening was made as a result of them dating. The twins' Bond takes second place in the level of strength (or maybe Logan and Patton's does? They _are_ like yin and yang, after all. Day and night, emotion and logic).

From the couch, Remy calls irritably: "Hey you two. _I'm_ feeling pretty lonely over here." Janus looks over at him. His phone is no longer in his hand but on the couch cushion. "Lacking a ton of affection from my wonderful boyfriends right now! I demand affection, so come here and give _me_ some love, babes. Right now." He whines the _right now_.

Before Emile can reply, Janus gently kisses his pulse-point before grazing his teeth over it, and he stutters something unintelligible to Remy.

Their boyfriend looks over at them, and he swears he can see him roll his eyes from behind his sunglasses. " _Hey_." He says sharply. "Don't start fucking in the kitchen without me."

Janus snorts and murmurs into Emile's ear that he greatly enjoys that idea and that maybe he’d let Remy watch, and poor Emile turns scarlet red as he places his hands on Janus's hands. They’re shaking slightly, and Janus can feel the warmth of embarrassment. Undoubtedly, his eyes are glowing from said embarrassment. "Oh m-my _gosh_ , do you guys even know h-how unsanitary that w-would be? Ew, e-ew. A-and that is _extremely_ uncouth of y-you to say t-that, Rem... R-Remy, and you t-too, Janus-"

Janus laughs quietly, amusement making his eyes flicker saffron. He looks over at Remy, who has a shit-eating grin on his face. He detaches himself from Emile and picks up Patton's broken glasses. They'll be able to fix them no problem.

"Okay, okay, sorry," Remy says, laughing a bit, "we'll stop teasing you, honey."

"Thanks." Mumbles Emile. Janus suddenly teleports all three of them to their shared bedroom, and Remy huffs slightly. It was originally Emile's room, and now it's Janus's and Remy's room as well. The room is like an explosion of all three Sides’ things, but Janus has the least in there; only his laptop, his journal, his clothes, and a couple of trinkets he was gifted by his boyfriends in various points of their relationship. Janus and Remy still use their own rooms when they're working on something, or when they need space or something like that. Janus had been working on something top secret in his room until everything with Patton went south. At Remy's confused expression, he says: "I figured this would be comfier than the couch, you know?"

Remy smirks. "Oh, you sly Side." The corner of Janus's lip twitches slightly as even more amusement floods him. He waves his hand over the pair of glasses and they immediately fix themselves. He slips them into the collar of his shirt carefully.

"Making my boyfriends feel comfortable is important to me. But that's all I wanted to do, okay?"

"Sure, sure." After tossing his leather jacket onto the floor and changing into a pair of his PJ pants, Remy flops down unceremoniously onto the bed, curling up in Janus's spot like a cat would. Emile snaps his fingers. Instantly, his regular therapist outfit (his cream-colored cardigan, his ironed and wrinkle-free white shirt, brown loafers, and tan khakis) changes into his pajamas. Since it's summertime right now, he sleeps with a tank-top and a pair of comfy shorts on. Janus takes his bowler hat off and sets it down onto Emile's desk carefully. He takes off his cape and kicks off his socks before running his fingers through his tousled hair. He snaps his fingers. Now he’s wearing one of Remy’s comfortable shirts. They’re boyfriends, so wearing each other’s clothes is inevitable. Remy scoots over to his side of the bed, the left side. Emile sits down at the edge of their king-sized bed. His expression morphs from his usual warm one to an expression that Janus can only describe as deep worry - the kind that overpowers you.

Remy frowns. "What's wrong, Em?"

He's silent for a few moments while he takes off his glasses, and they vanish from his hands a second later. A soft noise behind Janus signals they landed on the desk. "...I can't stop thinking about Patton." He says quietly. "I-I just... can't get his expression o-or the sight of his blood on the floor out of my head..." he looks ill.

He sighs softly, nodding his head in agreement. Remy hums quietly as he sits up. It was pretty jarring to see Morality in that state. Luckily, though, Logic was there to pick up the pieces. He’s always there to help Patton. Remy reaches around Emile and takes Emile’s hands into his own, squeezing them before letting go. Janus sits next to his boyfriends, running his fingers through his hair.

"Hey," he says softly, his gloved fingers gently tracing Emile's jaw, staring into the therapist's mismatched eyes, and he watches as Emile's eyes flash momentarily, "look at me." He cups his cheek gently, lifting his face to meet Janus’s eyes. Out of the trio, Janus is the tallest and Emile is the shortest; his height has to be something he “inherited” from Patton. Patton is the shortest Side, standing at only 5’6”, and Logan is five inches taller than Patton, standing at a cool 5’11”. Roman is the tallest Side - he stands at 6’2”. Himself, Remy, Emile, Virgil, and the Others are either Thomas’s height or a couple of inches taller or shorter than their Originator. For example, Emile is taller than Thomas by an inch, and as tall as Logan - 5'11". Remus is only an inch shorter than Roman; a fact they use against each other often.

If Patton was in shock, Emile must be too. Although, it must have been delayed. Or maybe that's Logan's worry seeping through to Emile. Or maybe it’s a delayed, overwhelming combination of both.

Janus takes a deep breath. "It'll be okay."

He tries to ignore the burning and ripping feelings in his chest that those words bring, but he hisses lightly as it becomes too overwhelming.

A ball of dread forms in his gut; if he doesn’t even believe _his_ own words, how could he convince the others?

Emile’s expression changes; now it’s half-worry half-doubt. “How do you know?” His eyes flash to Janus’s heart, and a frown flashes across his face for a moment. Damn it. He must’ve picked up on the lie.

Janus can’t answer, so he stays quiet, and the room is enveloped in silence for a couple of minutes until Janus speaks up. Within those silent minutes, Remy had changed positions; he’s now hugging Emile tightly (who seems to have calmed down) and laying on their bed, limbs all tangled up. Janus is sitting on the ground, his back resting on the foot of the bed, playing with the edges of his shirt. He counts backward from fifty to zero in his head, then up from zero to twenty-five. Neither of his boyfriends has spoken in a while, but neither has Janus. Based on Emile’s steady, light breathing, he’s asleep. That’s good. Emile had just been put under a lot of stress thanks to his and Patton’s Empathy Bond. It’s been tough... Woah, has it almost already been twenty minutes since Patton’s accident? The atmosphere in the room is a calm one - one Janus very rarely experienced before being given a seat at the table in Thomas’s decision-making process along with the other Light Sides, and just being accepted by the Light Sides in general. It’s... odd, to say the least. Is this how Virgil felt at first? 

”I...” Janus mutters, then rises from the ground, tugging his shirt down a bit, “after I go check on Patton, I’m gonna go see what Roman and Virgil are up to.” He glances behind him and stops. Emile is fast asleep, his arms wrapped around Remy’s waist. Remy’s sunglasses are on the bedside table, Emile’s hand resting on Remy’s shirt, cheek pressed against Remy’s arm.

He looks at Janus and nods, mouthing: “I’ll take care of him, go”, and gratitude and love wash over Janus. Immediately, Remy’s eyes flicker royal red and a deep purple that's a few shades off from black, and his smile becomes a little softer.

How the hell did he, of all Sides, get so lucky to have such amazing boyfriends?

Janus leaves their bedroom and shuts the door behind him.

* * *

Janus walks towards the infirmary. His mind skips between three things: Patton, Emile, and the Others. Unable to help himself from stopping, he closes his eyes, imagining Remy in his head. As soon as he does, the telepathic connection establishes. It sounds on and off with a slight buzz noise every time it's activated or deactivated, which Janus had been hyperaware of the first few times, but now it's become so common that he just naturally tunes it out.

_Remy?_

_Yeah, babes?_ Remy asks immediately.

_How's Emile?_

_Babes,_ Remy sounds confused and Janus can't blame him for that, _he's fine. You know this; you l_ _iterally just saw him almost twenty seconds ago. He's asleep. I mean, I could wake him up for you and we can chat, but..._

 _No, no, don't wake him up. Let him sleep. I'm sorry_. He apologizes as he turns a corner.

_It's okay. It's only natural for you to be worried about our adorable little sweetheart, babes._

Janus doesn't reply. He already knows that's true. Being worried about Emile is kind of his thing.

After a couple more seconds of walking, stands in front of the infirmary, which is a simple white-painted door with a red cross in the middle and brass handle. The black sign next to the door reads _**INFIARMY**_ in bold white text.

He opens the door after a second, poking his head through the gap and peering inside. He pauses at what he sees. Patton and Logan are close to each other, but neither seems to mind the lack of space between them. In fact, together they look at peace. It’s kind of making him feel like he’s staring at himself and Emile, or himself and Remy. Is this how he and his boyfriends look at each other? Logic and Emotion truly do complete each other.

When the pair look at him, Janus’s brain and mouth go into autopilot, although he doesn’t miss the way Patton’s entire face lights up at when he tells him that he fixed his glasses, or Logan’s soft smile because of it.

When Janus says that Logan and he need to talk privately, the Side in question rises from his chair. Beside him in the gurney, Patton pouts in a kind of childish yet very adorable way. Janus tries to ignore the flip his heart does in his chest. Judging by Logan’s expression that flickers across his face, which is replaced by his aloof mask of professionalism a split second later, he suspects that Logan had a similar reaction to Patton’s pouty face. It seems they have something _else_ in common, then: Patton manages to coax out these emotions Logan always claims he doesn’t have and the emotional reactions and love-driven thoughts Janus only reserves for his boyfriends like it’s nothing, like their _defenses_ are made of air. He manages to break through their hard, serious, aloof exteriors; much like Emile had done to Janus and Remy, which was the first step in getting them to fall in love with him, and ultimately each other.

The world certainly works in mysterious fucking ways.

He watches Logan rise up from his chair slowly, keeping an eye on Patton as he does so to make sure he doesn’t suddenly do something dumb. Probably. Janus is guessing. Patton turns his head and looks worriedly at them, then exhales slowly. He doesn’t say anything, though - he doesn’t have to.

”Patton,” Logan says evenly as he walks around the bed and past Janus, “try to rest. I will be back once we’re finished conversing.” Janus takes note of his facial expression; its as hard as steel.

”O-okay...” Patton mumbles. Janus watches him take off his glasses and stick them onto the nightside table. He plays with his fingers, and Logan must’ve sensed something was wrong through their Bond, because he immediately turns around and walks back over to Patton’s side. Janus looks at him, frowning.

”I-I... are you two gonna be okay?” Patton asks nervously. He’s probably expecting a fight to break out between them. Janus frowns, whereas Logan immediately nods, reaching over to cup Patton’s cheek gently - an action that shocks Janus. Patton instantly leans his head over slightly into his hand, and he reaches out to place his hand on top of Logan’s other hand, which is on the edge of the bed. The logical Side’s eyes glow their unnatural blue for a few seconds, and his expression is gentle. Janus has never seen Logan’s expression look like that gentle before. He quickly looks down at the floor; he feels like he’s intruding on a private moment between them, and a part of him feels like he should escape to let them have their privacy.

”Don’t... um, like... yell at each other, please.” Patton says after a few moments, his tone pleading. Janus doesn’t think that they’d have a yelling match. Now, if it was one of the Others and Logan, he could see _that_ unfolding...

”We won’t.” Janus mutters, shifting his weight awkwardly. Logan drops his hand after a moment. His expression changes instantly from the warm expression he just had to his usual stoic one.

The pair leave the room and Logan gently shuts the door behind him as he exits. After raising an eyebrow at Logan, he frowns.

"...What?"

"Nothing," Janus says, then leads the way down the hall, "It's just that... well, nothing. Forget it." He can almost feel Logan's frown burn into the back of his head. He has a perfect room in mind for their chat: the stargazing room.

Some of the rooms within the Mind Palace are only open at certain times during the day/night. Until a certain timeframe begins, those doors remain locked until the duration ends. For example, the sunrise room is “unlocked” at 5 AM and “locked” until the sun fully rises in the sky, signaling morning.

Now that it’s nighttime, the stargazing room should be open. Unless specified on the control panel that’s next to the door before entering, the room’s location remains as Thomas’s small backyard of his apartment. The door itself was painted by Logan; a dark eggplant purple color with stars and constellations painted on it, also done by Logan. Both door handles are even shaped like a star; that was Roman’s idea. (In a shocking twist, Logan let the decorations slide because he enjoys space. He didn’t even insult him - not once!)

The rooms themselves are all new. Virgil wanted to have three new rooms: the sunrise room, sunset room, and stargazing room. These three things seemed to calm him down in times of over-extreme anxiety, so it was decided by the Lights to add said rooms to try and help him. Besides, it’s nice to look at the stars and the sunrise/sunset sometimes, even if it's within the Mind Palace.

Janus quickly types the preferred setting into the panel - one of Logan's personal favorites: the Natural Bridges National Monument. Logan has always said that its one of the only places in the United States that's _almost_ free from any light pollution. Hence, it's a fantastic spot to stargaze. Despite the fact that Janus has only ever seen that place in the stargazing room. It's even saved to the panel's favorite list at the top spot. The pair enter the stargazing room and Janus quickly feels himself relax. Logan shuts the door behind them. The handle on the inside of the room is shaped like a moon. The room itself is modeled after a gigantic planetarium, with twenty-foot high ceilings. Stars, planets, and constellations cover every square inch of the ceiling. There's even a telescope tucked in one of the corners. In the center of the ceiling is a full moon. There's a basket filled with pillows and blankets next to the door - Patton's doing.

He smiles. Patton's always looking out for the Sides.

Logan adjusts his tie so its looser around his neck as he sits down in one of the six chairs, the navy blue one. Janus sits three seats away from his fellow Side in the saffron chair. They sit in silence for a little while, just observing the stars. Janus gets lost in his own thoughts, which mainly revolve around Patton and Emile. A shooing star streaks across the sky. (Janus can picture Emile’s excited grin in his mind’s eye as he points it out. This has been the place Remy often frequents when his insomnia is really bad. One night, Janus found Remy napping in there. Obviously, it’s next to unheard of to see Insomnia actually _sleeping_.) No two nights in this room have the same pattern of stars or constellations. Every night is different. If he tilts his head a couple of degrees to the right, Janus can see Orion's Belt. They don’t speak, just stare at the stars together. After a couple of minutes, though, he decides to break the peaceful atmosphere. He needs to alert Logan of something huge.

”Logan...” Janus begins haltingly, “I want to talk to you about what happened to Patton.”

Logan doesn’t move a muscle. He stays silent for a little while longer, then says quietly: “If this is regarding what you witnessed in the infirmary...” he probably means the affection he displayed with Patton.

He holds his hand up to stop him from speaking on the subject further. “We don’t have to talk about that.” That’s Logan’s business, and something Logan should probably discuss with Patton in private - he’s not gonna butt into it. Logan makes no indication that he heard him. Calmer, Janus says: “It’s about Patton’s injury, he-“

”It’s highly implausible that he could have cut himself like that on the glass.” Logan finishes for him. “Is that what you were thinking?” Janus nods. It’s refreshing to speak to Logan. It makes Janus feel comforted that there’s at least one other Side here able to understand what he‘s talking about immediately. Logic continues. “The wound was inconsistent with a glass injury. It seems to be more in-line with a knife wound.”

He keeps silent as he watches his facial expressions subtly shift. “Which causes questions to arise. Patton harming himself... a self-inflicted injury...” he trails off, and Janus can sense why. “That can’t be ruled out. I theorize that-“

”Logan.” Janus tries, but Logan keeps rambling like he hadn’t spoken.

”-the glass that shattered may have been switched out last minute to make us think that the injury came from a glass-“

” _Logan_!”

Logan’s head snaps over to him and he stops himself mid-rant. “What?”

“I...” Janus runs his hand through his hair. “I think it was one of them.”

”Who?”

He stares hard at him. “You know who I’m talking about. The Others. The Darks.”

Something - realization, perhaps? - flashes across navy blue hues. “You... you think one of the Others hurt Patton and covered it up?”

His face turns grim. “Do you honestly think Patton would be in that much shock over accidentally dropping a glass? Not to mention, bleeding from a _forearm_ injury that is physically impossible to obtain in the first place if a cup were to drop from _your hand_?”

Logan nods in agreement, his expression entirely serious now. _Deadly_ serious. A little voice in the back of Janus’s head screams _“scary!”_. “It must have been one of them. Remus, he was acting casually when he popped up.I deduce that he was the one who must’ve-“

”No,” Janus interrupts immediately, “he was telling the truth. _He_ wasn’t the one who hurt Patton. But I think someone else did.“

”And Patton _lied_ about it. Covered it up.”

Janus absentmindedly fixes his glove before placing his hand on his heart, drumming his fingers against the shirt that covers his chest. “Yes. That’s why my lie-detection, um, “sensors”-“ he puts air-quotes around sensors, “went off.”

”He covered it up.” Logan repeats, but slower this time. It must be unfathomable to Logic, that his other half lied about something as important as this. “The injury. Who must’ve hurt him. The _blade_.” His tone is hard. Borderline unforgiving.

”Probably so we wouldn’t worry.” Janus adds gently in an attempt to calm his angered friend down. “We know for a fact he hides things, covers them up so we won’t worry. There’s literal video proof of it on our Originator’s YouTube channel. Look at what he said to you in _Moving On_.”

Logan looks down at the floor, his hands curling up into fists. “You don’t have to remind me.” His voice is darker. Scarier. A chill creeps down Janus’s spine. “Janus,” he says after a couple of heartbeats of silence, “if this is true, if one of the Dark Sides hurt Patton, then we have a huge problem on our hands.” Under his breath, Logan murmurs: “That’s probably what Patton wanted to talk about with everyone present...” That makes total sense to him.

 _Everything has changed._ Janus thinks grimly.

He can tell Logan’s struggling to calm down, to go back to his usual stoic self. Maybe this talk was too soon to have with him. Against his better judgment, he places his hand on Logan’s shoulder. This Logan, the version of him that’s (rightly, if you want his opinion) fueled by rage and a need to protect Patton, is downright terrifying to Janus. A person with someone to protect can be scary, given that it's in the right situation.

”Logic,” he says plainly, “you need to relax. You're letting your emotions get the better of you. I need-”

"I don't have emotions." Comes the instantaneous, cold reply. "I am Thomas's logical side. I have no time for any emotions. I do not _feel_. I only think. That is my main function."

Janus doesn't look over at him. "And that, Logan, is one of the cruxes of the matter; _one_ of your two Achilles heels. Do you know what I'm referring to? Or which one I'm talking about?"

"...Enlighten me." That means no. "What's one of my Achilles heels you claim that I have?"

"It's the emotions you claim you _don't_ have." Logan looks like he wants to protest vehemently, but Janus continues before he can get a word in. "They're going to fester up inside of you like a rot, one that staying in the infirmary for a longer duration of time _can't_ heal. They're going to _break_ you someday. And when that time comes, and I guarantee you it will, I'll be right there next to you, telling you "I told you so.""

Logan is silent for a long time. He's no longer looking up at the stars - he's staring straight at Janus.

"You said I have two Achilles heels." He eventually says in his usual cool, clinical tone. When Janus nods, he tilts his head. He kind of looks like a curious puppy. He doesn’t dare say that aloud to him, though. “What's the other one?"

“P-“ Janus cuts himself off; he almost responded with a single word: _Patton_. Almost. But he’d rather have Logan figure that one out himself. Telling him would just spoil the fun for Janus, and he’d have to hear that damn “ _Patton_ being my Achilles heel would imply I have emotions, and I don’t have those!” ramble again. Janus doesn’t want to hear that again. “I’ll...” he pauses. Sighs. “You might have to do some soul-searching to figure it out, Logan.”

”Why are you avoiding my question?” Logan challenges. Janus’s eye twitches in annoyance.

”I’m not avoiding anything,” he states icily, “I’m just not telling you because you should be the one to figure it out yourself.”

”That’s not a good enough answer,” protests Logan, a scowl on his face.

Janus switches topics quickly. “I’m going to see Virgil and Roman. You can stay here if you want, or go back to Patton. It’s up to you.”

"Wait," Logan says, but Janus places a hand on Logan's shoulder. Janus doesn't expect him to do a similar action - he is logic, after all. The emotion denier. After a long moment, though, he does something that surprises Janus. Logan places his hand atop Janus's and actually leans his head against his hand.

"How do we know he'll be okay after his wound heals? What about... psychological effects? A Dark Side hurting him, and out of the nowhere like this..."

Internally, Janus smiles a bit. He's kind of cute when he fusses over Patton. "I wouldn't worry about that too much, Logan."

"Why?" Logan still doesn't understand.

"He has something the Dark Sides don't."

Logan frowns. Pauses. "Uh, fellow Sides that care about him?"

This time, the corner of Janus's lip twitch slightly. "Well, yes." He exhales slowly, then says softly: "You. Logan, he has _you_."

With that, his hand slips from Logan's shoulder and he walks out of the room, thinking about Patton and Emile’s conditions. It’s worrisome - and the theory that one of the Dark Sides hurt him is even _more_ worrisome. A thousand times more, at that. Janus takes a few steps away from the door when he hears it re-open. Logan steps out. Neither Side makes eye contact with the other. Janus watches Logan move back towards the infirmary where Patton is gently shutting the door behind him, moving down the hall and vanishing around a corner after a moment.

Janus shakes his head. Right. He left for a reason.

Deciding now would be a good time to chat with the other two Light Sides he hasn't gotten a chance to speak to yet, Janus closes his eyes. He pictures Roman and then Virgil in his head. The telepathic link establishes immediately - a channel that only the three of them can use. Every Side has a sort of channel they use - duos, trios, etc. etc. There’s even a channel for all of the Sides to use, but if they want to have a separate conversation, they... well, have their own channels. Even the Others have their own channels; Virgil and Janus were in the aforementioned channels, but... after they left, they can’t access them anymore. Janus suspects they “blocked” them. It was an incredibly smart move on their parts - even _Logan_ thinks that it was. Even if Janus thought - and still thinks - it’s petty of them, he has to give them credit where it’s due. Spying on a former-ally-turned-current-enemy would not be good. (Janus doesn’t know if the Others have access to the Light Sides’ channels, but it wouldn’t shock him if they do and no one is aware of it.)

Virgil hasn’t been on the Others’ channels in three years. Janus was only recently “kicked out” three months ago. He hasn’t heard from them or seen them since, which alarms and scares the fuck out of him. Virgil too, he’s sure of it.

 _Roman? Virgil?_ He asks using their telepathic link. The responses are instant and simultaneous.

 _What’s up, Reptilian Hans?_ That’s Roman. Janus rolls his eyes.

 _Yeah?_ Asks Virgil, sounding a little bit annoyed and caught-off-guard that Janus “called” for him. Or maybe he’s just not used to it happening after so long. Not that Janus blames him - it’s still pretty weird for him too. Their dynamic has shifted so much in the past three months it makes Janus’s head spin.

_I want to discuss Patton with both of you. I just finished talking with Logan about him, and I wanted to get your opinions, too._

Janus can almost see Virgil’s hackles raise defensively as he immediately replies: _Hell no. Not with you!_

 _Why should we discuss him with you, Janus?_ Roman asks after a few moments, as opposed to an immediate shut-down, probably to weigh the pros and the cons.

Janus ignores the fact that that stung just a little bit. _Listen, I know I’m probably your least favorite Side, but I can’t discuss it with anyone else. Remy‘s taking care of Emile, who is stressed out._

 _Okay, I’m sorry about Emile, but-_ Virgil protests.

Janus’s facial expression, posture and tone darkens considerably as he interrupts Virgil. _Would you rather I go to the Dark Sides and ask for their opinions on the matter?_ He won’t go do that - it’s just to make them look at the other side: it’s either Virgil and Roman or the Others. Giving the enemy more firepower would just come back to bite them all in the ass someday. Janus wants to protect the Light Sides from them, not give them more reason to hurt the Lights in the future, or to reveal themselves to Thomas - but Janus suspects them revealing themselves to Thomas is going to happen eventually.

And like he said before, he’s a stickler for eventualities.

There’s a long bout of heavy silence. Janus bites down on his tongue as he waits for an answer from either of them.

 _We’re in the Origins Room._ Comes Roman’s almost reluctant reply. He sounds perturbed to letting Janus know of their location. Even though it's been three months since their little verbal spat during _Putting Others First_ , and almost two since they apologized to each other for their respective nastiness, their relationship is still rather rocky. Whatever. That doesn’t really affect Janus.

The Origins Room is where all of the Sides originate, obviously, hence the name. It’s where they grow and develop as Sides, and where the Sides can hang out together. The Others rarely showed up there, but when they did, it was never for too long. Virgil - known as Fears instead of Anxiety then - Patton had come up with the name when he was old enough to be able to string those words together. According to Roman, when they were twelve years old, he (Roman) wanted to rename the room so it didn’t sound so “boring” (he had wanted to rename it The Prince’s Creation Room) but Logan - known as Curiosity back then - Patton up on the name. Logan said it was the “smart choice”. The name made sense.

Janus nods, then remembers they can’t see him. With one last look at the closed bedroom door, where Remy and Emile lay, Janus begins walking towards the Origins Room. A part of him screams at him to stay in case something happens to Emile, like if he has a bad dream, but with Remy there... he’ll be okay. Remy may be a bit... uh, _extra_ and harsh and blunt, but he can also become serious and caring and kind when the time calls for it.

 _If you can’t find the room,_ Roman suddenly chimes, making Janus jump slightly because he wasn’t expecting Roman to speak, _the door is-_

 _I know what the door looks like, O’ Regal One!_ He snaps, then apologizes after a beat. He was suddenly put under a lot of stress. He's worried about Emile and Patton.

Once he arrives at the door Janus doesn’t head inside immediately. However, he _does_ look at it. The door. It’s a vomit-inducing shade of blue, one similar to the blue that has become Patton’s trademark blue color. Stickers and little drawings in permanent marker stuck and created by Roman in their youth adorn the painted wood, and there’s even a laminated sign that says ‘ _Welcome To The Origins Room! (Please take off your shoes before entering!)_ ’ in big, thick bold letters tacked to the door. Patton’s handwriting is unmistakable. He still bubbles his ‘i’s and draws little hearts at the corners of the first and last letters of each word, even after all these years. This door screams _Patton_.

Janus forces himself to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut, the way his chest clenches at the thought of Patton. Emile was right about everything; Patton’s expression and the blood... the blood may be gone, and Logan is taking care of Patton, but Janus swears both of those things have been burned into his head.

Once again, according to Roman, Logan had been furious when he saw the decorations because they made the most important door in the history of the Mind Palace look tasteless and unprofessional, and it just looked dumb. Roman immediately insulted Logan, but Patton managed to diffuse the situation and calm both of them down.

Janus glances down at the pairs of shoes next to the door. Virgil’s purple and grey Converse are next to Roman’s spotless red and white dress shoes. One of Virgil’s shoes is tipped over on its side. Roman’s are neat. Janus left his shoes in his bedroom, so he’s okay to enter.

Janus grips the doorknob and pushes open the door. Inside, Virgil is laying on the couch with an unreadable expression on his face, and Roman is sitting on the chair across from it. Not in the chair’s seat, but on the actual _arm_ of the chair, his hands clasped in front of him. The room itself is an explosion of the Light Sides. There’s a stack of Logan’s huge textbooks on the coffee table in front of the couch. Virgil’s headphones and iPod are on top of the books. One of Roman’s journals is on the floor next to the door. Photographs of Thomas and the Lights adorn the walls. Some of Thomas’s trophies he got when he was younger for science fairs and stuff are displayed neatly on shelves. Drawings, mostly made by Roman, cover almost every square inch of wall in the large, spacious room, except for the two windows and TV on the wall and video-game-station that’s hooked up to it. It can change to whatever a Side wants instantly. One second it could be a Wii, the next it could be a Playstation. Said game-station today is a Nintendo Switch, but neither of the Sides is using it. The TV is silent. Not even Roman’s record player, which is tucked in one of the corners, is playing one of his favorite romance songs. As a (former?) Dark Side, the Origins Room tends to make Janus’s skin prickle, but not as much as it did before Thomas granted him a seat at the table. Virgil must have felt that way too.

Speaking of them... Both Sides look incredibly worried. But how could they not be? They just witnessed their friend and fellow Side bleeding all over the Mind Palace’s kitchen floor and walls and saw his shocked expression. Even Roman’s usual cheeriness has been wiped clean from his face. Janus is pretty sure he won’t be making any jokes about anything for a while - not until Patton’s better.

The weather outside is dark and stormy. Rain beats incessantly down on the windows. Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes brightly, illuminating the dark room and breaking the thick silence. Wind whips, rattling the windows in their frames. Janus swallows hard, disturbed by the weather. In the Mind Palace, the weather changes to fit the Sides’ moods, although it is usually affected most by what Side is feeling what emotion the strongest. It’s amplified by the hundred-fold if more than one Side is feeling multiple similar emotions. Thunderstorms like these indicate worry, fear, numbness, _anger_. Snow indicates sadness, depression, things like that. Sunshine indicates... well, happiness. There’s never a “blank” weather day. Not for the Light Sides. Never for the Light Sides. As for the Dark Sides... the Others... Janus almost vomits thinking about what they've been feeling since Janus left them. If they were pissed when Virgil left... what were their reactions when _Janus_ left?

Roman and Virgil stare at him, each Side blinking a couple of times. Neither of them moves or greet him.

He looks around the room, taking note of a particular absence. “Where’s Remus?”

Both Sides merely shrug their shoulders.

Maybe he went to go tell the Dark Sides what happened. Maybe he went to his room to go take a nap. Maybe he’s off somewhere in the Imagination scaring animals for fun. The tertiary sounds like something he’d do when bored.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Janus closes the door behind him then walks over towards the pair. He doesn’t sit down on the available seat that’s next to the couch and across from the chair Roman’s sitting at. He sits on the floor at the coffee table, facing Virgil, who looks over at him. Roman checks his nails absentmindedly. Janus takes a few seconds to think about what he wants to say. _Fuck it,_ he decides a split-second later. Sugarcoating what he’s thinking would probably just annoy them. So he might as well just come out and say it. He’ll just say what’s on his mind. He takes a deep breath.

”I-“ he begins.

”Did you have something to do with Patton’s accident?” Virgil interrupts coldly, his glowing purple eyes burning into Janus’s face.

Janus’s eyes widen almost comically as he freezes immediately. His own glowing eyes burn with Virgil’s as his mouth hangs open. He’s too damned shocked to say anything for a few moments. “ _Excuse me_?” He says after he remembers how to speak fucking English.

At the same time, and probably having just recovered from his own shock, Roman hisses: “ _Virgil_?!” in a tone that tells Janus he wasn’t expecting that.

”How the hell could you think I’d do something like that to Patton?” He asks. Of _course_ he wouldn’t hurt him! He might have in the past, but not now. He _likes_ Patton now!

”I don’t know if I can trust a word out of your mouth.” Virgil snaps. Janus's hands curl into tight fists. Roman‘s expression turns slightly worried.

Janus immediately rises from the floor like it just shocked him, his eyes glowing intensely - blinding saffron. He’s sure the veins around his eyes are glowing red, a telltale sign of pure, unbridled rage. A crackle of thunder booms and Janus swears he can feel the entire room shake underneath his feet. “Let _me_ ask _you_ this, Virgil:” he hisses, then shouts: “Do you think I’d _ever_ deliberately hurt Patton _knowing_ how closely tied Emile, who is one of my _BOYFRIENDS_ and one fucking half of my _entire reason_ for even getting up in the morning,” the other half is Remy, and Janus _knows_ that Virgil (and Roman) knows that, _“_ is to Patton’s Empathy Link?!"

In the blink of an eye, he’s teleporting and hauling Virgil up from the couch, and the next millisecond, he shoves him against the wall. This action doesn't hurt Remy, he knows it won't. For reasons no one can understand, not even Logan (which Janus imagines is annoying for the Logical Side), Remy "broke" his and Virgil's Link to each other, and his and Roman's Link. Remy's certainly not spilling the beans on why he did it.

Virgil groans quietly in pain and attempts to push Janus away, but his anger fuels his strength. He barely budges against Virgil’s attempts to push him back, and he only gets angrier as the milliseconds pass.

As soon as Virgil is slammed up against the wall, Roman jumps from his seat like it suddenly burst into flames. He’s behind Janus in an instant, hand curling tightly around his shirt and attempting to pry him off. Janus pushes him back and whirls around to glare at Virgil again, moving his arm away from his shirt to push his arm on his chest.

Roman isn't deterred in the slightest. ”Janus,” Roman hisses loudly into his ear, causing him to grit his teeth as rage leaks through his bloodstream, “let My Chemical Romance go. This is _not_ the time to be fighting! Patton and Emile are hurting right now, fighting amongst ourselves is the _last_ thing Thomas needs! You're hurting Virgil when he just asked you a simple question!”

"A _simple question_?!" Janus roars back, pushing Virgil harder against the wall, and he knows that the veins around his eyes and in his cheeks are glowing violently. Virgil looks scared and annoyed at the same time.

The door suddenly flies open and two panicked shouts of "What's happening?" is heard - it's Remy and Logan. Immediately, concern for Emile and Patton swell up inside of Janus as his mind begins to race. If no one's watching them, then that's the _perfect_ opportunity for them to strike!

"Janus has gone _insane_!" Roman shouts back. "Virgil merely _asked_ if he had anything to do with Patton's accident, and now he's on him like an infection!"

"No!" Janus shouts immediately to Logan and Remy, and a loud _BOOM_ of thunder sounds right after, and he thinks he hears one of the glass panels crack, droplets of rainwater seeping through the opening and dripping down the walls, "what are you two doing here?! Go!" He yells, tone bordering on desperate. "Go back to Emile and Patton! They can't be left alone! GO!" He screams, now entirely desperate for them to be safe.

" _You_ need to _get off me_!" Virgil shouts.

Suddenly, a pair of arms wrap around Janus, looping through his armpits and balled-up hands laying against the fronts of his shoulders before yanking back, forcing Janus off of Virgil.

"That's _enough_ , Janus," Remy says in an uncharacteristically stern voice, and Janus struggles weakly against his hold. If it was any of the other Sides, Janus would've fought back harder, maybe even shoved him off. But since its Remy, he doesn't.

"Janus?"

"L-Lo?" Comes a weak, shaky voice.

Everyone whips around at the sound of two new voices. Patton is leaning heavily on the doorframe to even continue standing upright, and Emile is behind him, peering over his shoulder with softly glowing eyes. He hears Roman gasps quietly as he stares at Patton. All of the anger drains from Janus's body like it was just sucked out of him.

Patton looks _so much worse_. The wrappings around the wound Logan had bandaged are completely soaked in blood. Blood steadily drips down his fingers and onto the floor. He _swears_ he can hear a car skidding noise in Logan's head sounding off. Patton is sweating like he just ran a marathon, and his breathing isn't any better. It's ragged and uneven like he just inhaled smoke from a raging wildfire. His skin looks _grey_ in the lighting, and his pupils are glowing a faint cyan. A thousand questions and concerns pop up into Janus's head. Emile looks about ten seconds from throwing up and passing out on the spot, which alarms Janus. He hadn't looked like that when Janus left their bedroom. _Neither_ of them had looked that awful when Janus last saw them.

What the _hell_ is going on?

"Patton?" Logan asks softly. Patton gives a full-bodied shudder and swallows thickly, his knees wobbling like they're made of jelly. "Patton, what are you doing?" Logan takes a step towards his other half. "Go back to the infirmary..." concern laces his tone. He's frowning.

"Padre's wound..." Roman breathes, eyes as wide as saucers.

"Emile, baby..." Remy murmurs as worry etches itself across his whole face. Their Bond is full of conflicting emotions. Janus is frozen in place because of it, unable to move, but his thoughts are racing. He doesn't know what's going on, or why this sudden negative development occurred.

Patton's rattled, wheezing exhale makes Janus's lungs hurt. "I... Lo... Logan..." he looks straight at Logan. Logan seems to be frozen, too.

"Pat, what is it?" Virgil asks, fear lacing his tone. A flash of lightning illuminates the room. Janus can't tell if Patton is crying or if that's sweat running down his cheeks.

"They're..." he coughs wetly, and Janus swallows hard, "I-I saw them..."

"Patton," Janus says, and he's surprised to hear that his own voice is shaking slightly, "who did you see? What's happening?" The room's atmosphere has just plummeted. He can feel the fear and confusion pouring out of everyone, and he hates it.

Tears? - yes, those are definitely tears - begin to stream down Patton's cheeks, and he sobs softly. His chest is heaving. "I-I can't, h-have to w-warn you... I-I..." he's not making any sense. " _Th-they_ d-did this to... t-to me..."

And not a second later, Patton's eyes slip closed, roll up in his head, and his body gives out, limply collapsing to the floor.

Both of the windows explode a second later.


End file.
